Inventing Vazquez (200?)

Inventing Vazquez, the heartwarming story of a mousy Latina, a major film studio, and a magical habanero pepper that went too far.

For Liliana Vazquez, being a 29-year-old with a Hello Kitty voice is traumatic enough. But her parents demand perfection, grandchildren, and bottle caps. Her browbeating big sister thinks investing in Atari is good business sense. Her carefree boss sends her samples of zombie vomit to inspect. Her vulgar best friend knows 2,468 conjugations of the f-bomb. That gorgeous punk rocker with the soul of a psychologist is off-limits. And her self-esteem ditched her in 7th grade. So why does she think confronting a major film studio about its ethnic stereotypes is a good idea? Well, the magical habaneros went too far.

The (Zany) Cast of Characters

Liliana Vazquez – A 29-year-old Latina with academic smarts, razor sharp wit, and lots of spunk—buried beneath her crippling mousiness and shyness. Because of her tiny voice, which she compares to that of an insecure 9-year-old, Liliana is hopelessly self-conscious about speaking to people, which is why she prefers e-mailing them instead. But when Mammoth Films continuously ignores her arguments about their rampant stereotyping of Latinos, she’ll have to start growing some confidence, and a spine, if she’s going to save Latinos from Mammoth’s next abomination, Latin Lover. So what better way to do so than by falling in love, joining a punk band, defacing an SUV, launching a guerilla war of words at work, making a movie, and, oh, starting a riot?

Jung-Hee Choi – A 31-year-old Korean-American punk rock musician with a psychologist’s demeanor, a sensitive disposition, a dream of starting his own recording studio—and who works in a dead-end job in a tiny record shop. Despite his edgy rock star looks, he’s a gentle soul with wit and intelligence, and quickly incites Liliana’s hormones into revolt. Too bad he’s already dating that cute Japanese bassist in his band…

Mi-Soon Choi – Jung-Hee’s older sister, and Liliana’s co-worker as Mammoth’s Asian Sensitivity Issues Consultant. Mi-Soon is kind, gentle, and polite—when she’s asleep. Otherwise, she’s loud, opinionated, relentlessly vulgar, and knows 2,481 variations of the word bitch and another 1,307 conjugations of the f-bomb. Mi-Soon and Liliana quickly become friends—much to Liliana’s chagrin. But behind Mi-Soon’s crass, abrasive exterior and her constant public humiliation of her friend, she’s a caring person who wants to punch your teeth out because she actually loves you.

Hari Mehar Singh – Mammoth’s Middle Eastern Sensitivity Issues Consultant loves films, so the job is perfect for him—except for the fact that he’s actually Indian and doesn’t know the first thing about the Middle East. Together with Mi-Soon, Hari pushes the envelope of proper workplace conduct. Usually by wrestling with Mi-Soon, sending random employees soggy cucumbers via interoffice mail, and making PhotoShop parodies of Hollywood movie posters.

Elian Vazquez – Liliana’s older brother is a star among Chicago’s veterinary crowds and the Chicago Police Department’s K9 corps. He has an eerie, incisive rapport with the animals he treats, including his leading lady, a pacifist German Shephard named Preci. He’s charming, slick, and intelligent…with animals. Around women, he’s a complete moron. But he and Liliana are the best of friends and depend on one another for support, because no one understands a basket case better than another basket case.

Eliana Vazquez – The oldest of the Vazquez children, she’s a straight-laced, stern, and career-driven woman who thinks humor and dating are as necessary as herpes. She loves her family, but seems to harbor a particular resentment toward Liliana. Maybe it has something to do with the pranks they used to pull on each other, like the time Liliana reported all of Eliana’s credit cards stolen during a business trip, which was in retaliation for the time Eliana stole all the leads out of Liliana’s mechanical pencils on the day of her GRE.

Mom and Dad Vazquez – What’s there to say about a Mexican couple who name their children Eliana, Elian, and Liliana? Thank goodness they didn’t have a fourth kid! A blue-collar couple making their home in Chicago’s Pilsen neighborhood, they demand perfection from their three children. Well, that, and grandchildren, which they’re nowhere near to having thanks to the eccentricities of their basket case kids. At least they have bottle caps and Hello Kitty paraphernalia, which they obsessively collect and proudly display throughout their bottle cap/Hello Kitty-overrun house.

Maury Blank – Liliana’s boss at Mammoth Films, he rose the ranks of Mammoth through hard work, dedication, and…okay, forget it, he’s a friend of the CEO and gets positions handed to him. This despite the fact that his only experience is starring in a bad zombie B-Movie, Attack of the Killing Dead. And despite the fact that he spends his days as Director of Diversity Consultation cooking up new batches of fake zombie vomit for his next flick.

Inventing Vazquez is currently unpublished. I am looking for agent represenation.